


I Might As Well

by actualvarric



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, DID!anders, Dissociative Identity Disorder, First Dates, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid!Anders, Justice Positive, M/M, MPD!anders, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Multi, Multiple Personalities, OT3, anders is a nervous wreck, handers - Freeform, justhanders, modern!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 19:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4316232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualvarric/pseuds/actualvarric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders has been told by his therapist that he needs to get out, maybe go on a date. That's how he's found himself sitting across from a gorgeous man, freaking out and trying not to alienate him. Oh, the joys of mental illness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Might As Well

Anders was incredibly nervous.

Somehow, against all odds, he had managed to find someone on a dating website that had agreed to meet him despite seeing the phrases 'dissociative identity disorder' and 'genderfluid' on his profile. Even more miraculous was the fact that the man who had contacted him had been extremely handsome, possessed a stable job, and seemed, well, **normal**. Anders realized with grave intensity that this was probably the only man on the face of the planet that would have him (and that he would have back), and he was completely determined to not fuck things up tonight.

If only he could figure out what to wear.

_This wasn't even my idea in the first place_ , he thought while throwing shirts on the floor. _I could always just ditch him and avoid this mess altogether_... However, Anders clearly remembered the stern look on his therapist, Sebastian's, face.

"If you don't want to sink into depression, you need to stay socially active. What about a date? It would be just the kind of small occasion that would help get your mind off things for a while." Anders remembered looking at Sebastian incredulously and protesting. Who would ever want him? But eventually he gave in and signed up, putting everything personal about himself out there, sighing and complaining the whole way. He would say that the smile Sebastian wore at the end of it all was worth the pain, but honestly, he couldn't care less about the man. He was always trying to convert him to some religion or other, because that was supposed to help him and frankly, it just got on Anders' nerves. However, after some research of his own, Anders found that Sebastian was fairly right on this point, so he decided to play along.

Anders focused back on the task at hand and found himself absent-mindedly holding up a light blue dress shirt. He narrowed his eyebrows a little bit. This was Justice's favourite shirt of his. Anders shook his head a little to try to clear it out and then scoffed. There was no point. No amount of shaking could make Justice go away. He was about to toss the shirt away like its kin, but reconsidered after taking a second glance at it. He supposed it was an appropriate shirt for a date, if a little too dressy. And it did look good on him. He sighed in resignation and pulled one of the sleeves over his arm. Justice-1, Anders-0.

After finding some jeans in lieu of dress pants (in a desperate effort not to look overdressed), Anders straightened himself up, looked in the mirror, and smiled. He looked good. He looked, really, really good. He turned around to look at the clock by his bed. It read 4:53. He was an hour and a half early. Anders sighed and rolled up his sleeves, settling down in a worn-out armchair. Now, it was a waiting game, but at least between the crippling doubt and echoed complaints slipping in from his other personality, it wouldn't be boring.

Exactly one hour and seven minutes later, Anders grabbed his apartment keys and headed outside. Luckily, they had decided on a place only a couple of miles away from him, so his lack of car and bus money wouldn't be a problem. He took naturally long strides at a brisk pace, if only so that the exercise would numb his brain. Needless to say, it didn't work. Busy trying to zone out while walking, he was startled when he saw the curving sign of the bar and grill ahead of him: _The Smoking Crow_.

 

_The Smoking Crow_ was small as far as restaurants went, with only a handful of tables inside and a short bar, providing 3 or 4 seats maximum. To be completely honest, Anders wasn't sure why Starbucks hadn't bought it out yet, it would have been the perfect location for one. Get rid of the worn down, falling-apart-at-the-seams furniture, and this place could be a veritable gold mine in the right hands. 

Anders scanned the cramped room, his eyes moving from table to table. He worriedly bit his lip; all of the tables were full. He could've sworn he had reserved a table for them, but what if he had forgotten? What if his date had seen all of tables full and left after not recognizing him? Oh Maker he had really messed it up this time hadn't he? He had-

Oh.

Well then.

Anders gaze had stopped on a gorgeous man sitting alone at a table. He had black hair hanging down in his face, although Anders could see he was trying to comb it back. His beard was closely cropped and well-groomed, and Anders couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like under his hands. He was dressed in a red flannel shirt that showed his body off in a frankly ridiculous fashion, a few buttons undone to show some beginning sprigs of chest hair. Anders could almost feel himself drooling. He needed to stop that. Especially because said man was waving at him. Maker, how long had he been waving at him?

Anders waved back quickly (probably a little too quickly) and rushed over to the table, nearly tripping over a chair leg as he did so. He heard a low rumble that he recognized as a chuckle from the man across from him as he straightened up. 

"WhiskerNurse22 I take it?" the man said, grinning. He even sounded handsome, and while saying Anders' dorky username no less. If the man kept all this perfect business up, Anders wasn't sure if he'd be able to take it.

"Heh, yep, that's me! Er, my real name is Anders, by the way. You can call me Andy. Wouldn't want you calling me Whiskers or anything. That'd be weird..." Anders' voice trailed off in embarrassment as his words caught up to him. He looked up sheepishly and resisted playing with his hair or biting his lip. His date (his date!) was looking at him with obvious amusement. 

"You're cute, Andy. My name's Garrett. You can call me Hawke if you want, though," he said, winking. "It's kind of a nickname my friends gave me- long story, involves a lot of drinking and bad decisions- but now it's more familiar to me than my real name is. Say, why don't you have a seat? You look pretty uncomfortable just standing there."

Anders nearly fell off his chair from sitting down too quickly as he realized that he had just been staring at the man while he talked. He heard another chuckle. He would've been annoyed if he didn't find it so hot. When he got the courage to look up, he saw Gar-er, Hawke beckoning someone over to their table, finger outstretched. He looked over and saw a familiar face heading toward them.

Zevran was, to say the least, an eccentric man. He wore his work polo slightly hiked up so one could see his midriff, and rolled his sleeves up to expose as much of his dark, tattooed arms as possible. He was, at the moment, wearing an exorbitant amount of fake gold jewelry, wherever he could. His shockingly blonde hair (which Anders had long assumed was dyed) was loose free around his shoulders, completing his... interesting look. He stopped in front of their table.

"What's this? Our little Andy here finally has someone across from him that isn't another cat? Well, then, you must pardon me for intruding. What can I get for you fine gentlemen to drink?" The man's sharply accented voice and barking chuckle broke Anders out of his reverie. He noticed that the man was very pointedly checking out his date while waiting for a response. Anders should probably get on that, then. 

"I'll just have a water, thank you, Zevran," he said hurriedly, and let out a small sigh he hadn't realized he was holding when the man turned his attention to him. He met Hawke's interested gaze from across the table and felt instantly self-conscious. This was going well so far. He broke eye contact and stared down at the table until Hawke gave his own drink order (an iced tea). 

"So... you don't do these things very often, do you?" Hawke said after Zevran had sauntered away to get their drinks. 

"What? Wh-Why would you say that?" Anders stuttered out, taking a sip of his newly-retrieved water. 

"Well, between the waiter's comment about cats and the way you're acting right now, I can tell you don't get out very much," Hawke replied, meeting Anders' eyes with a smile. "Don't worry, though, I think it's adorable."

"You're on the money there, then. About the fact that I don't do this much. Not the part where you said I'm adorable... Anyways, you would have been surprised if you had seen me 5 years ago- I was quite the rebel. I used to be pretty suave, too! I know it's hard to see now, but I got around back in the day!" Anders resisted the urge to stuff his face into his hands and instead took a long drink of his water. He got around? What was he **thinking?**

"Ha, I had a pretty crazy youth, too, although not in that way. I had two siblings, and we all used to drive each other insane. Hell, me and Carver still do," Hawke said, laughing in his low voice. Anders was about to respond when he noticed a shadow looming over their table. Zevran again. Why couldn't he just leave them alone?

"Any idea what you two want to order today?" he said, positively fawning over Hawke, a purr in his voice letting Anders know that 'you two' was the last thing on his mind. 

He saw Hawke motioning for him to go first, so he said, "Just a summer salad, for me, **thanks** ," sarcasm dripping from his mouth before he could prevent it. Wait... something wasn't right. He wasn't usually this vitriolic. _Justice!_ he hissed in his thoughts. _Stop that this instant!_ He didn't hear anything from the other side. He didn't know why he expected an answer. Maybe he thought it'd change one day.

He heard Hawke order a burger, and was hurriedly preparing an apology for his behavior in his head, when Hawke said, "So, just a salad, then?" 

Whew. He hadn't called him out on his rudeness to the waiter. He didn't need to address it. "Hah, yeah, I'm vegan actually... I just hate the conditions that a lot of the animals used to produce food are kept in. I hope you don't find that pretentious, I've had a lot of people scoff at me for it..."

"No, no, that's actually very compassionate of you. I wish I could do that. But alas, I'm a carnivore at heart," Hawke answered, sheepishly grinning. Anders just blushed. Actually, had he stopped blushing at all since he'd met Hawke? He didn't think so.

"So what do you do? Your username says nurse in it so are you a nurse? Or a vet? Because, y'know, the whiskers part," Hawke asked next, cocking his head a little. How was this man both cute and hot. Unfair.

"Well, actually, I'm in nursing school right now, full-time, so I don't have any time for a job," he said. He figured it was better than saying, "I'm unemployed."" Just one more year left though, that's the good part! Then I'll be able to actually pay for things! How great is that!" he added.

"Haha, great indeed!" Hawke chuckled, throwing his head back a little. His smile lit up his face. "Wish I had career prospects. I'm in the opposite situation. I'm working full time, two jobs. Personal trainer by day, and then the club at night. Not many places to go from there, y'know? I mean, I'm not complaining, it pays the rent, it'd just be nice to have something greater to aspire to. But hey, I guess you can't have both." He had moved his hand to cup his chin in a thoughtful manner as he spoke, and Anders felt himself drawn in by his words, looking for a subject to expand on or question about.

"Yeah, it's a struggle trying to balance it all out, I agree. Say, what do you do at the club? Bouncer? Being a personal trainer, that would make sense," Anders asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hawke barked out a laugh. "If only... no, what I do is a little more unsavory. I dance there," he explained, looking Anders in the eyes. 

Anders didn't quite understand, replying, "Doesn't everybody come to a club to dance? Why do you get paid for it? Do you like, lead the dancing or something? Teach everyone the coolest new moves...?" Hawke started giggling, which turned quickly into full-blown raucous laughter. Anders had noticed that this man laughed a lot. Was he really that funny? Or was Hawke just easily entertained?

"No, Andy..." he said panting in between bursts of laughter. "I work in a **strip club**. I dance at a **strip club**." Anders' eyebrows shot up to his hairline. This time he actually put his face in his hands. 

"Oh, oh Maker, I'm, wow I could not have been more wrong, could I?" he mumbled. He could hear Hawke's laughter and felt the shaking of the table. "So, um... how do you like that?"

"I like it good enough," Hawke answered. "Feels good to see all those eyes on me, the center of attention. I eat that shit up," he said, a wide grin plastered on his face. 

Anders grinned back and was surprised that he was actually enjoying himself on this date. He thought it'd be a trainwreck. He'd have to thank Sebastian later. Quietly. Wouldn't want the man's ego to go to his head. Or worse yet, get another one of those smiles. In his positive headspace, he almost didn't hear Hawke's remark of, "Hey, I think that's our food!"

Indeed it was. Zevran walked, or rather, swayed, over with their food, and placed it so effortlessly on their table that Anders just had to glare at him a little. Ok, a lot. And when Zevran asked if there was anything else he could get them, draped over Hawke like he wanted to **be** his clothes, batting his eyelashes and licking his lips, something snapped in Anders. He felt the rage bubbling underneath his skin, felt himself recede into his own mind, powerless, imprisoned and made to watch the mess about to unfold. His last thoughts before he was taken over were _no, no, not here, please, Justice!_

Anders stood up straight, abruptly, and took short, deliberate steps over to Zevran. His gaze was icy as he grabbed the collar of Zevran's uniform with both hands and tugged him close. "Look," he said menacingly, tone significantly deeper and strangely accented. "This is **my** date. You are not to interrupt. Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes I do, now would you please let me go you are causing a scene and I kind of need these tips-" Zevran cut his sentence off short due to a strong tug on his collar. 

"I am glad you understand, mortal," Anders replied, sharply dropping him. Zevran nearly fell to the ground after the unexpected release but managed to regain his balance quickly. He didn't second-guess Anders' decision, skirting his way between tables as soon as he could. Anders was left to face his date. He turned around sharply, the action nearly robotic in its precision. He bowed slightly. "My deepest apologies for the display. I sensed an injustice and had to correct it. I will let Anders return."

Anders' face changed from one of stoicism to shock, and he fell into his chair, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He looked at Hawke's surprised expression and couldn't meet his gaze, eyes dropping to the floor instead. The two waited a long time in silence.

"So... that wasn't you was it? That was one of your other personalities, right? I saw on your profile..." Hawke let the sentence trail off and glanced at Anders, a soft prompt for him to explain. Anders sighed. He might as well.

"Yeah, that was Justice. He's my only other personality, or at least I haven't met any others yet. He and I usually get along, or we at least tolerate each other, but then shit like this happens and I don't know anymore..." Anders took a deep, shaking breath.

"So you know what happened then? What Justice did?" Hawke questioned, that little head turn not nearly as endearing in this context.

"Yeah, it's like I'm still in my body but I can't do anything, if that makes sense? Kind of like a bystander, with no real faculty or control. Just the humiliation after the fact." Anders smiled a bitter, mouth-stretched-thin kid of smile and glanced at Hawke. "Kinda sucks."

"Damn," Hawke said, eyebrows drawn close and mouth slightly open in empathy. "Must be rough. I mean, at least he liked me, huh? Fought a dude for me and everything. Very chivalrous." So Hawke managed to keep a positive attitude, even through this. Anders couldn't help but smile.

"That makes two of us then," he said, looking down at the table and blushing.

"Then it's a good thing I like both of you, eh?" Hawke said, a grin evident in his voice.

Anders' eyes shot up from the table and met Hawke's, the man's glowing with mirth. A silent "Really? Really." series of looks exchanged between them and by the end of it Anders was smiling as brightly as he had when he learned he'd been accepted into nursing school. He hadn't expected a good date out of today. He hadn't even expected a mediocre one. Frankly, he had expected to have everything go down in flames.

And, this, well, he could never have expected that this would be the best date of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> My first DA work :)
> 
> A fun fact:  
> The bar title is a real tavern in the DA universe- look it up!
> 
> Kudos+ comments are appreciated :)


End file.
